What can I give ….. lessons from Spider-man and Tony Stark.

A few weeks ago I went to see the newest and latest Spiderman movie, Spiderman Homecoming.  I sat and totally enjoyed the movie (ok, maybe enjoyed the popcorn and  Milk duds a little too).  There is a point in the movie where Peter Parker (who is Spiderman.. spoiler alert) has kind of blown it and Tony Starke (Ironman) takes his spideysuit (I just typed out “spideysuit”) and Peter is very upset and frantic.  He says to Tony Starke “You can’t take away my suit.. I am nothing without it!”  to which Mr. Starke replies “If you are nothing without it then you shouldn’t have it in the first place”.  Now that I have set the stage so to speak, I dive into this post.

In 2008 I had a very scary experience happen to me.  I woke up and went to get ready and blacked out in the shower.  Being the stubborn person that I am, I got back up, showered, got dressed and headed into my day.  A little while later after dropping off my kids at school, I parked the car and blacked out again.  When I came to I felt so tired that I just closed my eyes and fell asleep for almost an hour.  My body then began to do strange things.  The entire left side of my body was tingling and would not work properly.  I could not grip anything with my left hand and my leg kept making me stumble because I had no feeling in it other than the fire-like sensation radiating through it.  It was then that I went to the Dr.  After weeks of testing and a trip down to University of Miami to see a neurologist I was officially diagnosed with MS.  I had never really down any research about MS and I knew nothing about it, and after being online for hours “researching” it I was even more confused.  The bottom line was, there is no cure, and I was going to get worse, barring a miracle of God.  I went into mourning.  Each time I attempted to play the piano, my left hand would fumble and hit incorrect notes no matter how hard I tried to tell it what to do.  It was failing me and I was angry, sad, and tired.

I remember it as if it were yesterday.  The failing of my body and ultimately the failing of me being able to play piano.  I cried many tears.  I went through 6 of the 7 stages of grief in what seemed like minutes.  I got to all but the last one.

  • SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. …
  • PAIN & GUILT- …
  • ANGER & BARGAINING- …
  • “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS- …
  • THE UPWARD TURN- …
  • RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- …
  • ACCEPTANCE & HOPE..

I was angry.  I was raging against the acceptance of losing this ability “I had”.  I began to ask myself question like “who a I if I can’t play music?”  I spun a tale of woe in my head that would make Hamlet look like a comedy.  Looking back on it I can laugh.. but at the time the pain and anxiety I was feeling over it was horrible and anything but funny.  Then one day as I was crying out to God and lamenting to Him about all my fears and anxieties over not being able to play music anymore He spoke to my heart.  Not audibly but in a still whisper that shook me and woke me.  I felt Him speak to my soul “Who gave you the ability to play music?”  I began a dialogue that went a little like this:

Me: God I want to play piano again!  I don’t know who I am if I am not a musician!

God: so if I gave it to you why would you worry if you can’t do it anymore?

Me: Good point, but…

God: Why would you cling to something I gave you to share with others as something that is who you are?

Me:  yeah, but…

God: You are mine.  You are loved.  You are held.  Peace be still.

 

How often we cling to what God has given us to serve others and make it our identity.  How often we think that we are only “somebody” if we “do” something.  The reality is that anything we are gifted to do has been given to us by God.  God gives to us and pours out in us these gifts so that we can glorify Him and serve others with them.  It makes me ashamed when I think back to this time in my life.  Not because God condemns me, but because I was focused on anything but Him.  I was so focused on the gift and not on the Giver.

What area in your life has God-given you a gift?  What area of ministry do you serve in and have been called to do so because of a calling?  If someone asked you today who you are would you answer (like I did) “I am a singer, songwriter”,  (insert your own) or would you answer “I am a son/daughter of God and I am deeply Loved.”  I challenge you to step out of the box, or off of the stage you are in that is merely the gifts you have and daily offer them back up to God with a heart of gratitude and a willingness to use them to serve others as long as they are poured out BY GOD upon you.  If we are nothing without the gifts and talents God has given us then we probably shouldn’t have them.  I am so happy to praise God for a restoration of my left hand, and even though I still have relapses, I do not dwell on the loss of a gift, but I attempt to refocus my mind and spirit on what I can still do when one gift is taken or hindered, but HE is faithful to always give us what we need.  Thank you God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “What can I give ….. lessons from Spider-man and Tony Stark.

  1. Tom says:

    I love anyone gleaning wisdom from Marvel Cinematic Universe! Aside from that, what you have shared is incredibly powerful, and rings very true. Thank you for being so vulnerable; I know that many who have had to have these types of tough conversations with the Lord (including me) will appreciate what you’ve shared.

    Just a bit of nerdiness: Tony Stark’s name has no “e”, and Spider-Man has a hyphen (it was intentionally put there by Stan Lee to make sure he stood out from Superman). :0)

    Like

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